Historically, I’ve been a recluse of sorts. I tend to keep to myself and only call a select few people regularly to talk. I talk to myself more often than not, and recently I decided I’d address why I don’t really call people to talk much. I’ll text you, but call and talk? Nah, won’t do that too much. It could be due to the heavy level of psychoanalysis I’ve been receiving in class combined with my natural introspective prowess, but I thought I’d try to figure out why I don’t really communicate with many people.
If I went back to my childhood, I’d find that I kept to myself then – but I really only knew my family. It was kind of how we grew up; very “clannish,” as my grandmother told my mom once. You might know the folks in your neighborhoods, but you rode with your family. Even now, my cousins stick tightly and the cousins my age are a deep part of my rideout crew. But when phones got introduced to me and I learned phone numbers, I don’t remember calling people to talk. I played with my action figures, read Calvin & Hobbes, and tended to keep to myself. I had friends at school, and I’d go to their houses and stuff, but no, I don’t really remember talking on the phone to people much. Then came middle and high school, and something happened – I did talk to people on the phone. But I think those experiences might have shaped my phone use now.
I only called people if I wanted to talk to them or felt like I should call them for some reason or another. So I’d call aunts, cousins, friends to either keep up with them or because I had a question. But alas, enter the female into the equation. Phone conversations became something…more important all of a sudden. They gained an extra meaning. No longer was I calling to see how you were doing; now I called to flirt and show interest and the like. When I called my friends (this is prior to the text message), we would shoot the breeze and whatnot. But when I called girls, everything flipped. Words had to be chosen carefully. Conversations needed to be interesting. Always a salesman. I can remember once having a buddy of mine on the 3 way on mute while I talked to this girl I liked and every so often I’d tell her, “Hold on,” mute her and quickly talk to him to see how I was doing. Perhaps all of this just expresses my sheer awkwardness as a teen, but there’s something about those phone conversations. The nervousness of it all. The fear of saying the wrong thing. You’ve really got to be comfortable to just TALK on the phone.
So high school happens, and my phone conversations become less and less. I still really call my family and then my close friends…but talking? No, there’s usually a reason to call somebody, right? And at that point in time the instant messaging systems were REALLY booming, also lessening my need to open my mouth and use my voice to communicate. Alas, this problem has only gotten worse with the advent of as many ways possible to NOT call people. As the ability to text grew, along with social networking sites like Facebook, the need to call people lessened and lessened. Still, the only constants were my family and close friends were the ones I called and who called me mostly – if someone else called, it was usually for a quick question or a meeting up or something along those lines. As I write this, it dawns on me just how socially awkward I was (and probably still am). Nevertheless, this little reflective piece is designed for information, and information indeed I am gaining.
So I get to college and the wonderful world of texting and Facebooking and instant messaging really hits. I called now to contact people, not to communicate with people. And the more phone calls became for contacting and not communicating, the bigger my personal thing with phone calls became. It’s like an obsolete technology, reserved for emergencies or necessity. But if people had their druthers, they’d just as soon text you/tweet you/Skype you…everything but call you. I feel weird calling the vast majority of the people in my phone, because I don’t have anything to say to them. Now, as I live alone, I find that those few people I call tend to get more phone calls than before. But in college, I still had no real reason to call people unless there was a “conversation” to be had.
And there it is – conversation. The only reason I would engage in a phone call is for a conversation. But perhaps I’m not as confident in my conversational abilities, so I resort to the text. But the phone call is designed for two people to converse now. At least, my conception of the phone call is such that we talk. Not like the obvious (if you use the phone, clearly you’ll be talking), but more like there’s a purpose to a phone call. You can mass text people to see what’s going on on a larger scale, but if you want to see what’s happening with this one person, you give them a phone call. It shows a type of intentionality. You’ve expressed, by dialing their number or pulling it up out of your phonebook, that YOU want to talk to THIS SPECIFIC PERSON at that specific time. The downside is…
I tell stories. I firmly believe all conversations are nothing more than stories, and the good storytellers make great conversations. I’m not the best storyteller though, because I ramble incessently while I talk, generally. One story reminds me of another story so I jump to that story but end up forgetting why I jumped to that story…and many times I just don’t want to waste people’s time with my rambling. I’ve been home for a couple of hours now and the only words that have come out of my mouth were the ones I left on a voicemail because I just needed to tell somebody something important. Either way, many times I don’t value my phone call unless it goes to a close friend or a family member. I’ve got friends who I should have called but now, I feel like I’m imposing on them if I do call them.
In the end, my reluctance to call people shows up even now – when trying to let someone know something I text much quicker than I think to pick up the phone. Perhaps I’ve been caught up in the “now, now, now” action of the 21st century. Either way, I’ll still be calling my family and close friends. This was a fun reflection to do. Maybe you all should try it.
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