Sometimes ideas for blog posts just come to Bumble, others are thrust upon him.
As per custom, Bumble attended Christmas Eve service with the in-laws. This was year 10 of Bumble attending a Methodist church on Christmas Eve. No, the church does not fall down! Death to you! Ahem… anyway, Bumble digresses.
The annual service at this particular church culminates with the congregation lighting candles and singing Silent Night. It is moving and sounds almost ethereal. That of course is the highlight and finale of the evening. Prior to that, there is an hour and a half of singing, readings, the sermon, collection, and finally communion. No, Bumble does not partake of the Sacrament, but Methodist communion is open to everyone. In theory they are open to giving communion to angry Persian Islamic cats. Bumble still opted not to put theory into practice. Maybe next year.
Bumble is a veteran Christmas Christian now, with a decade attending service at the same church. With that experience comes a natural tendency to compare this year’s service to the previous years’. There was one highlight this year for Bumble, which was probably a low point for everyone else, but that didn’t come until halfway through the night.
Bumble’s first impression was set when the pastor made his appearance. He was wearing a wireless microphone headset similar to something Justin Timberlake might wear to perform! Bumble honestly thought that was a good sign. I mean, this is the BIG show for the church. Christmas is money time, and Christmas Eve is the Wrestlemania and SuperBowl of Christianity. In short, it doesn’t get any bigger than this! That’s right, Bumble called Christmas Eve the Wreslemania of Christianity!
Ok, maybe not THAT halftime show...
Time to bring the A game, convert some Christmas Christians to weekly attendees and set the foundation for next year’s bake sales. Granted this was a small church that seated about 400 people. Bumble didn’t expect fireworks, celebrity appearances and guest singers. Still, somewhere in Bumble’s egg nog soaked noggin a spark of hope ignited. Maybe this year would be the spectacle worthy of the church’s equivalent of a Super Bowl halftime show!
The service began with a prayer and then right into the initial hymn. Just a side note, Methodists sing every verse for better or worse. Sadly that last sentence had more rhythm than the congregation. The choir was fine, but the “flock” literally sounded like bleating sheep. Even with the hymnals it seemed nobody knew the words. Bumble kept looking around for Simon Cowell, but tragically the beat went on. It may have helped if the chosen hymns were a little less obscure. Bumble is just sending that out there for next year. Star Child? Really?
Pie-tie? Pity? ummm
After that debacle a teenager wearing ripped jeans and doing his best to look like Edward Cullen did a reading from Luke. Apparently he went to the George W. Bush School of public speaking, because this was painful. He mispronounced piety. Again, this is the SUPERBOWL for you guys right? Maybe someone should have practiced a bit with the kid? Bumble is sure he was nervous, but it truly seemed like there wasn’t even a rehearsal ahead of time. Maybe (hopefully) he was filling in admirably for someone at the last minute. Bumble remains skeptical and judgmental.
Finally, on to the homily. That’s when the Pastor gets his fifteen minutes of fame to pontificate on the season. A good oratory here would at least breath some life into the congregation. In all fairness, Bumble actually enjoyed it. This would be Bumble’s high point, and again the low point for everyone else.
In a rather unconventional start, the pastor used FaceBook as a point of departure. No, really! Bumble wouldn’t go as far as to say FaceBook is bigger than Jesus, but the pastor did suggest Jesus is on FaceBook. The pastor began by explaining FaceBook to the congregation. He briefly described how you can accept or ignore someone with the click of a button. Bumble has to give him credit for trying, but he seemed to lose at least half of the audience. The average age had to be 50.
Then in what can only be described as “a stretch”, he explained accepting Jesus in your life through the context of FaceBook. Bumble really can’t add much to this. Instead we’ll end with Bumble passing along this new chestnut from Christmas Eve, along with the image that formed in Bumble’s head when he heard it. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.
Pastor: “This holiday season if you get a chance to friend Jesus, don’t click ignore.”
ooof, this is awkward... he'll probably know if I ignore him... but we were never that close in high school...
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